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josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	final answer   6/6/2012 A man and his wife went to bed one night and the man was getting very frisky and asked his wife if she was in the mood. His wife answered, "Not tonight dear I have a headache." The man replied, "Is that your final answer"? She said, "Yes." ...He said. "Ok, then, I'd like to phone a friend." 2 Comments, 117 Views, 7 Votes ,2.79 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	30 years of marriage   6/6/2012 On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed. Arriving ... 2 Comments, 129 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	the story of john smith...   6/6/2012 A woman dies, and when she gets to heaven she asks Saint Peter, "Would it be possible for me to get together with my dear departed husband? He died many years ago." Saint Peter asks, "What's his name?" "John Smith, " replies the woman. "Gee, " says Saint Peter, "we've got a lot of John Smiths up here. But sometimes we can identify people by their last words. Do you happen to remember ... 2 Comments, 135 Views, 8 Votes ,4.41 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	the chairman of the board   6/6/2012 Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair." 3 Comments, 135 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	the hen pecked hillbilly   6/6/2012 An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot. One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a ... 2 Comments, 156 Views, 7 Votes ,5.33 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	a womans touch   6/6/2012 A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, I bet you can't tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time." She said, "You have a bigger dick than all of your friends." 3 Comments, 188 Views, 10 Votes ,5.58 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	big johnnie   6/6/2012 John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in ... 3 Comments, 180 Views, 10 Votes ,5.38 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	gun shopping   6/6/2012 A woman walks into a sporting-goods store and asks the salesman if he could help her pick out a rifle. Its for my husband, she explains. Did he tell you what caliber to get? asks the salesman. Are you kidding? He doesnt even know Im gonna shoot him. 2 Comments, 110 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	big vacation   6/6/2012 There was a couple who were big over-spenders. They always dreamed to spend holidays in Hawaii, but were never able to save any money to do so. One day they came up with an idea--each time they had sex, they would put $20.00 bill into a piggy bank. They bought the piggy, and followed that procedure for about a year. After that time, they decided that there was enough money for their ... 2 Comments, 101 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	in the beginning....   6/6/2012 One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God. "Lord, I have a problem!" "What’s the problem, Eve?" "Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but I’m just not happy." "Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above. "Lord, I am lonely, and I’m sick to ... 2 Comments, 117 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	the earring   6/6/2012 Morris is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker, Joe, is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense." "Hey Joe, " he yells out, "I didn't know you were into earrings." "Don't make such a big deal out of it. It's only an earring." Says Joe sheepishly. "No ... 1 Comments, 119 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	halloween   6/6/2012 this couple was getting ready to go to a Halloween party but the wife had a terrible headache. She told her husband to go anyway. After a short argument he agreed, and she took some aspirin and went to bed. Later she awoke and felt great, so she decided to go to the party and see what her hubby did when she wasn't around. As soon as she arrived, she noticed him on the dance floor getting ... 3 Comments, 181 Views, 9 Votes ,4.07 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	the card game   6/6/2012 Boudreau, Thibodeau, Pierre, Trusclair, and Old Man John were playing cards in the back room at Pierre’s Bar. Suddenly Old Man John grabbed his chest, groaned, and fell over dead. Everybody was upset but nobody wanted to be the one to tell John’s wife Jean... Finally Boudreau accepted the task. “You gotta break it to her gently. We don’t want Miss Jean to think we had ... 2 Comments, 81 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	senior citizen romance   6/6/2012 An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: "You use to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said: "Then you use to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached ... 1 Comments, 94 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	newlywed farm couple   6/6/2012 A young farmer is newly married and the couple can't get enough of it. Just before leaving the house for the fields at down, they tear off a piece, and when he returns home at evening they have another go, before and after supper, and maybe a couple more during the night. The problem is during the day: the fields are a long way from the house, and the young man loses so much time traveling home ... 1 Comments, 130 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	the funeral service   6/6/2012 A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan! They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, ... 1 Comments, 128 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	The Hammer   6/6/2012 The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer." A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard." The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer." The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You God-damned bastard." The judge stops, and says to the guy in the back of the ... 1 Comments, 147 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	the state trooper   6/6/2012 An 85-year old husband and wife decide to take a road trip. She drives because she can see and he rides because he can hear. After traveling for a while, they get pulled over by a State Trooper. She rolls down her window and the cop says "I need to see your drivers license and vehicle registration please." The woman turns to her husband and shouts "WHAT DID HE SAY?" The husband replies, ... 2 Comments, 162 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
mzphatphat 38 F 6  Articles	well get this   6/6/2012 ok well me and a "friend" waz you know doing the dam thing when he went down on me and boy was it feeling good till he stoped and said as he grabed my lips and said im the pussy monster and i have come to invade the town of penis! got to love him! 3 Comments, 184 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	Larry asnd Susan   6/6/2012 The barn at Larry and Susan's farm burned down, and Susan called the insurance company. Susan: "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money." Agent: "Wait just a minute, Susan... it doesn't work quite like that. We will determine the value of the old barn and provide you with a new one of comparable worth." Susan, after a pause: "I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband" 1 Comments, 166 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	Tom and Linda   6/6/2012 Tom was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge. He turned to his wife Linda, with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest shmucks get the ... 1 Comments, 111 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	Who Makes the Coffee   6/6/2012 A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, "You're in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that's your job. I can just wait for my coffee." The wife replied, "No ... 3 Comments, 131 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	the Maple Leaf   6/6/2012 After being escorted to the witness box and sworn in, the little old man was asked by the lawyer to explain what had happened. He described the events that led up to the incident and finally got to the main issue of the case, saying, "..and that's when she hit me with a maple leaf!" "Surely that couldn't have inflicted any serious injury on you, sir, " the lawyer said. "Are you ... 1 Comments, 116 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	New Years Eve Party   6/6/2012 Trevor's New Year's Eve party was an annual occurrence with numerous guests arriving. During the evening, a man knocked on the door, was greeted heartily although no one knew who he was, and was led to where the drinks were, in the kitchen. He sat there happily, chatting away, for a couple of hours before a strange light dawned on his face. 'You know, ' he confided to Trevor, 'I wasn't even ... 2 Comments, 133 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	New Years Eve Dream   6/6/2012 Janice was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, 'I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?' 'Aha, you'll know tonight, ' answered Max smiling broadly. At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Janice and handed her small ... 1 Comments, 132 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	marriage proposal   6/6/2012 When asked if there was anything they would have changed about one of the most romantic moments of their lives, several women said a 'bigger diamond!' 54% of men still get down on one knee. 44% of men ask their partner's father for permission to marry. 57% of men cry when she said yes. 65% of women say he could have put more effort and preparation into the proposal. 25% of couples wait ... 1 Comments, 128 Views, 7 Votes ,1.51 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	show me the money   6/6/2012 A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon. Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded, "If it weren't for my money, we wouldn't be here at all!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, not only would we not be in Florida, we wouldn't be on a honeymoon, nor would there be any "we" in the first ... 1 Comments, 107 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	at dinner   6/6/2012 A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress (taking another order at a table a few paces away) suddenly noticed that the man was slowing sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining ... 1 Comments, 139 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	the beer drinker   6/6/2012 A man walks in the door after a day at the office to find his wife crying at the kitchen table. Whats wrong? he asks. I went to the store today, and a horrible man looked up my skirt. He said, ˜Id like to fill that with beer and drink it, she sobs. I wish youd been there to kick his ass. Listen, honey, Ive repeatedly told you to wear panties every day,  replies the husband. ... 1 Comments, 186 Views, 8 Votes ,3.01 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	the sex talk   6/6/2012 In a small town, an elderly couple had been dating each other for a long time. At the urging of their friends, they decided it was finally time for marriage. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided ... 1 Comments, 152 Views, 8 Votes ,2.55 Score